Teaching the Criminally Insane
by xBrokenRecordx
Summary: Because the Akatsuki is full of a bunch of dumbasses. Sakura is willing to whip them all into shape. T for language.


**A/N: More AkaSaku. I am seriously becoming obsessed with these guys...**

**Come on. It's the frickin _Akatsuki._ They're frickin _amazing. _**

**So I thought this would be humorous. The lulz r srs bizns.**

**Word Count: 788 (yeah. Short. I know. Just go with it. I might add onto it later, given I have enough requests from the reviewers. *winkwinknudgenudge***

**Disclaimer: No, I do not own Naruto. However, I do own a banana. But I don't own a pineapple. Which is really sad, to say the least...**

* * *

><p>"Alright." Sakura slammed her hands down on her desk in the abandoned room of the Akatsuki base. She had turned it into a classroom, "borrowing" about a thousand dollars from Kakuzu's cookie jar full of money to purchase desks, a blackboard, chalk, notebooks, text books, and the likes of which you see in a typical school classroom.<p>

Why did Sakura create a classroom in the Akatsuki base? Were the members really that idiotic? Did Pein even allow her to drag four of the members into the classroom to drill knowledge into their sorry, empty heads? Was Sakura nuts? Yes, banana, no, pineapple. Did those not answer your questions? No? Too bad. That just the way Sakura rolled.

"Do you all know why you are here?" She asked sternly, eying each of her four "students". Tobi raised a hand and bounced up and down on his seat like a little kid on a sugar rush.

"Yes, Tobi?" Sakura nodded at Tobi, signaling him to talk.

"Tobi wants to know why Tobi is here! Can Blossom-chan tell Tobi why he is here with the scary men?" He said at an unnaturally fast speed. Sakura sighed.

"Tobi, the four of you are here because you're all dumbasses who need to be taught how to do things write. Like talking. Which you all have in common." Sakura eyed each of them again. Her eyes stopped on Hidan, who was sitting in the desk at the far left side of the room. He had his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl marking his features.

"Hidan." The Jashinist's head snapped in Sakura's direction, mouth preparing itself to cuss at the pinkette. "You need to learn how to use _real words_." Hidan opened his mouth to protest but was silenced when Sakura slammed her ruler on the surface of his desk. "No. fucktard is _not _a word. Neither is cuntface or shitdick."

Deidara snickered from his seat in the back of the smallish room. Itachi chuckled. Tobi was muttering about pretty butterflies.

"And _you _Deidara," Sakura sauntered over to where the bomber sat. Her fists made contact with the desk, leaving a small dent in the wood, and leaned forward, getting into his face. "_You _need to learn how to _not _end 'un' or a grunt. And you were dropped on your head as a kid. Your mind is fucked up."

"How do you know if I was dropped on my head as a kid, un?" Deidara said defiantly.

"Zetsu stole each of your medical records after I was admitted into the Akatsuki. And you, Deidara, were dropped on your head as a baby." Sakura rose an eyebrow and backed away from the artist. Hidan pushed aside his irritation and snickered at the blonde haired man's expense. Deidara frowned.

Sakura then walked over to her final "student". She sat on his desk and gently tapped her left hand with the ruler she was holding. "And you, Itachi, need to expand your vocabulary beyond the word _hn. _Hell! That's not even a word!"

Itachi smirked and his Sharingan spun slowly. Sakura scowled at the man. "No Sharingan prohibited in the classroom, Itachi-chan." The pinkette cackled, jumping off of Itachi's desk and moving to the blackboard. Itachi frowned at the suffix. He was _not _a little boy.

"I'll have you know, Sakura-_chan_, that I was a child prodigy. My intelligence is far beyond adequate." He told her, a smirk starting to grace his features.

Sakura turned quickly on her heels. "Then I expect you'll be a good little student, Itachi-chan. And from here on out, it's Sakura-_sensei_. _Sensei_. You got that, dipshits?"

Hidan snorted. Deidara scowled. Itachi's face remained blank, Sharingan reluctantly turned off. Tobi was still muttering about butterflies.

"I _said_. **You got that, dipshits?**" Sakura went over to one of the large blocks of concrete that she had put in the classroom just in case she got pissed off. She gathered chakra into her fist and punched it.

"Yes, Sakura-sensei" echoed around the room. Except for Hidan, who said "Yes, Bitch."

"Hidan, I expect you to clean up the concrete _I smashed _and dispose of it. I'll get Kakuzu to escort you so you don't run off." Sakura smiled innocently at the Jashinist. "Remember, Hidan-chan, I am fully capable of _punching your head off_. Don't fuck with me."

Hidan solemnly got up from his desk and moved to clean up the mess Sakura made.

"Any questions my little minions?" Sakura asked the remainder of the "class". Itachi remained stoic. Deidara and Tobi shook their heads frantically, Tobi finally coming to the real world after Sakura smashed the block of concrete.

"Good. Now, first, we'll start with grammar!" Everyone groaned.

* * *

><p><strong>Review please! And get A COOKIE of your choice! And if you don't like cookies, I'll give you cake.<strong>


End file.
